This is well written and totally reflects how I feel about many things in the past and present.

noonecanownyoursoul:

Shapes and images fill my mind
of the life
I left behind

The song brought me back to that place
where again I will never show my face
and soon my heart began to race.

I tried to understand why
to that time my mind did fly
when all I ever did then was cry

And then I remember
I was my biggest defender
and it’s just a reminder
to never go back there again.

Going through an old flash drive, found this from 2008

I am alone

Broken and empty

No one left to hear my cries

Abandoned by life

Hope is lost

Numbness has taken over

Finally pain starts to sink in

And I am better

Once again

Women have it easy

So it’s said

Over and over again

By men

Women of all ages know

How easy it can really be

To grow into a woman

They never thought they would be

If only they knew from the start

That nothing is

What it seems to be

That nothing really is free

What starts as innocent fun

Changes as beauty progresses

Free food for looking cute at 15

That was just fun

Just flirting on the fast food guys part

Getting into an 18 plus concert at 17 

For wearing the low cut dress

Well that was just great scheming

Irresponsible of the bouncer if anything

Free shots at the bar when you were 21

After the bartender asked

You and a drunk friend

To make out in front of him

Well the next morning it seemed like a thrifty decision

Later that year

With no where to live

A baby to raise

Needing a place to stay

Taking a free room from two married friends

Then realizing they wanted you to be with them

Drink the weekends away with them

Sleep with them

Fool around with them

When you finally said no

They told you to go

At 22 after being unemployed for months

Allowing a male acquaintance

With a management job to get you a job
To help you out

He later started asking for favors

And calling you day and night

Always wanting to “hang out”

Creating a need for another job change

Things don’t come free

Favors are never just favors

Women don’t have it easy

Beauty cannot just be thrown around

The way men seem to think

Eventually it takes it’s toll

And before you know

You have turned into the women

You swore you would never be

He climbed up the wall
Peered down at the men
Laughed then said
Screw you all

Those nursery rhymes
Had it all wrong
truth never sold
So they rewrote it all

Humpty dumpy did not fall
he gladly jumped off
That god for saken wall

Fed up with the king
And his hired men
He was sick of running
Just wanted it to end

Humpty jumped,
Humpty broke
You can’t put back together
Something which has come to an end

Just thinking about
People, changes, friends, and phases
A bowl of mixed nuts

Black swallows all light
On this particular night
Still the stars shine bright

Was going to continue on with this but too tired…

If tomorrow was today

And yesterday was tomorrow

Then things would still be ok

Everything could be different

But the past would remain the same

Our futures enter twining

We could quit this guessing game

Let’s skip yesterday

End today

And shoot for tomorrow

Can’t Stop, Won’t Drop, Might Roll

I am on FIRE

On TOP of the world

My head feels like it may EXPLODE

Mania is KICKING in

It’s FULL speed ahead now

Ideas RACE through my brain

Only I know that I am not INSANE

BELIEVE it or not

I love this FEELING

PASSION shows in everything I do

I can work, dance and clean, all at the SAME TIME too!

Everyone YELLS

Slow Down, SLOW DOWN

But I don’t LISTEN

I Speed up, UP, U-P

That is …

Till this ENDS

Then I FALL

Down, DOWN, D-O-W-N

Just skipped out of my AA meeting halfway through. My mind is going a thousand miles a minute, and I can’t sit still and concentrate on anything except the awesome ideas that pop into it. Ugh!!!
I have been so productive the last 36 hours too. Cleaning, doing tons of good stuff at work, doing projects for my own biz, spending fun quality time w/ my daughter. I just can’t sit still.
Every hour that passes by its getting worse too. My head hurts so bad. I usually love being manic, but this headache is so bad!!!

Mom picked me up at 6:30AM for Race for the Cure. We do it every year. We are here and going to start the 5K soon. It’s a tradition we have been doing since I was 12 every year on Mothers day. Her, I, my Grandma and Great Aunt Aunt.

I am celebrating the survival of my Mom, My Aunt (Diagnosed this year), my great Aunt, and my great great Aunt. I am also remembering a Dear family Friend Sunny, who fought the battle hard, but did not make it.

We walk to celebrate all of the survivors who have fought this horrible beast and to remember those who didn’t.

On a separate note …

Happy Mothers Day to all the Moms out there!

Picture of me this morning. Decided to play around in Photoshop my last 30 minutes at work with it.

Tingling down each finger tip

Leaving a fuzzy prickling sensation

In my left palm

As it makes its way

Through my entire hand

Until I can no longer feel

Anything

From my wrist onward

I am

NUMB

PARALYZED

Unable to move my left hand

Only it’s not confined to just the left one

Or even just my hand

It’s my feet

My ankles

My legs sometimes too

Always just one place

Never predictable

What began as weird

Is now just plain scary

I am defective

A lemon

That the doctors

Have given up on

thewritersaddress:

I wonder if the moment will come, when I stop waiting for Passion to enter my life.

I ran

We got into another fight

At the mall

Probably my fault

It started as bickering

Soon enough it had escalated

So I ran and hid

Just like I used to do

When it was him and I

Before I left

To start this new

Supposedly better life

My heart is pounding

Trying to escape with the rest of me

My thoughts are everywhere

While my eyes dart at window reflections

I dodged into a coffee shop

For some reason I feel fear

Fear of what

Anger

More fights

An end

To whatever this is becoming

Why do we keep repeating this cycle

When we talk so often of

Happily ever after

Together